Most of my relationships last about as long as this tweet. - @wwwesty
relationships
Straight women wanna seduce gay men.
Gay men wanna seduce straight guys.
Straight guys wanna seduce lesbians.
Lesbians wanna be left alone. @NickadooLA
Men, of course we need you. Because, jars. 
You are right, autocorrect. It is sometimes hard to make a woman origami. 
Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert @joeljeffrey
~Tin Man illustrated by Chris Sinderson~
Can someone please f*cking remind me why the Tinman wanted a heart? @CrazedinNYC
“What the f*ck?! You look nothing like your painting!”
- Angry woman on a blind date in the 1700′s - @MisterBombay
If your boyfriend/girlfriend has no texts in their phone’s history, you’re totally being cheated on. @capricecrane
