~Original illustration by: Steven Ray Brown~
If I were a Care Bear I’d be I Don’t Care Bear. @PyrBliss
animals
~Illustration by: Gideon Virgadamo~
Dear Stroller Makers, Maybe make the stroller so it opens without having to wrestle it down. I’m a mom, not a lion tamer. Sincerely, Moms – @Alyssa_Milano
I’d rather be dry humped by a gorilla than sit and listen to a girl talk about her boyfriend. @MarcusStricklin
Sadness math: 1 ferret = 17 cats 
Dentist says I need to be more aggressive when flossing, so I’m going to start barking. 
Probably the worst part about being a penguin is after you’re in an argument, you’ll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute 
~Illustrated by: Greg Smith~
I mixed together some leftover Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms and Crunch Berries, and now I know what it’s like to give a unicorn a blow job. @clarkekant
~Illustration by: Gideon Virgadamo~
Cats probably wouldn’t need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn’t smoke cigarettes. @robdelaney
Cats probably wouldn’t need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn’t smoke cigarettes. @robdelaney
~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~
Drowning is probably the most embarrassing way for a fish to die. - @Josh_in_therapy
